OH Ellie- Part 1 by Emilea

Emilea has asked for the first part of her new story to be posted on our Pass The Blog- so here goes 🙂

OH  ELLIE!!!!

By Emilea, 4H, Woodlands Primary

Emilea and Ellie

Emilea and Ellie were best friends, they do everything together.

Emilea is 8 years old, has a little sister called Lucy.

Ellie is also 8, she has a twin sister called Chanel.

A hot summers day

One day Emilea and Ellie were outside at break time on a normal school day they were both wearing they’re school uniform, Emilea was wearing a black skirt which flared at the end Ellie however was wearing trousers which were nice and silky.

It was a boiling hot day at school so Emilea and Ellie decided to find the old tree that shaded most of the ground but that was jam packed so Ellie sprinted to the hall to see if any people were in there

‘’No ones in here so I’ll go and get Emilea’’ murmured Ellie to herself while running to Emilea who was standing in the middle of the play ground waiting for her.

‘’no ones in there lets go“ shouted Ellie over her shoulder

‘’Ellie wait f-f-f-f-f-for me!!!!!’’ called Emilea out of breath.

Ellie ran out of sight a. Emilea ran after her but was too slow.

She quickly ran round the playground looking everywhere for Ellie.

But, she couldn’t find Ellie anywhere, it was like she had vanished from the face of the earth!

Toyah to the rescue?

First she ran over to find Toyah who has brilliant ears and can hear shrieks of anything/ anyone.

“Toyah is always at the pirate ship at break” thought Emilea; she sped off towards the pirate ship. Toyah was playing with her friend Emma. Emilea rudely interrupted with a sight then said

“Toyah quick I can’t find Ellie, she is my best friend I need to find her!!!!!”

Emma overheard the dreadful thing that had happened, with a gasp she spluttered shivering

“E-E-E-Ellies gone m-m-m-missing”

Just then the pirate ship turned from being a triangle to a square

“that’s weird” murmured Emilea “that pirate ship was a triangle a minute ago but now it’s a square I swear!”

“What’s weird?” asked Toyah

“Erm nothing I was just seeing things and anyway we need to find Ellie before she hurts herself!”

They sped off down the playground looking at every inch of the playground but there was no sight of Ellie.

On the way to the hall they saw a flash of light down near the ampethearter. They stopped and then ran the other way.

 

Ethan Bradley and Jack

They found Ethan, Jack, Mackenzie and Bradley with a toy that had loads of people gathering.

“Oh hi Emilea what are you doing over here?”

“we are trying to find Ellie she ran towards  the hall but i was too slow I couldn’t catch up” sobbed Emilea ”I am just too slow for Ellie now look she lost in the school she could be anywhere and it’s all my fault”

“don’t worry Emilea we’ll help you, Toyah and Emma find her won’t we guy’s!”Bradley suggested trying to bring Emilea’s hopes up.

They sped off towards the hall when a gust of wind blew Bradley over, and all of a sudden it sounded like the wind was whipsering a message they heard the mysterious message,  and all stood still in their tracks, wondering what on earth to do.

to be continued….

8 thoughts on “OH Ellie- Part 1 by Emilea

  1. Hi Emilea,
    I am a teacher with a Year 3/4/5/6 class. I have just read the beginning of your story and I am very impressed. I especially like some of the powerful verbs you have chosen: spluttered, murmured, sprinted, sobbed, sped… they make your story really interesting for the reader.

    I am looking forward to reading the next installment!

    In September I will be teaching children in a year 2/3 class and I am hoping to set up a class blog. What is the best thing about your school/class blog or about the way your teacher uses it?

    Mrs Preece-Dawson

  2. I could really picture your story happening Emilea. Well done for using lots of powerful verbs and adjectives, because they brought it to life. Like Dominic I’m interested to find out what happens. If you include all your full stops it will make it even easier to read for me.

  3. I love the way you have built up the suspense in this story. It really hooked me in and made me want to read more. I hope you’ll be posting more of your story so I can find out what happens next.

  4. Hi Emilea, I’m an English teacher at a secondary school in Somerset and I’m very impressed by your writing skills. In fact, I wish that all my Year 10 and 11 students could use paragraphs as well as you can!

    Well done and keep writing!

  5. Hello, Emilia.

    This is a brilliant beginning to your story. You have developed a mystery and left the reader in suspense. A good writing technique when you want readers to return is to “leave them hanging”. Now we need to wait to see what has happened to Ellie. Well done.

    @RossMannell
    Teacher, NSW, Australia

  6. Pingback: Oh Ellie- Part 2 – by Emilea. « Pass The Blog

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