100WC By Eleanor and Isabella

This is the 100 word challenge by Eleanor and Isabella.

 

It was pancake day again. Brings back memories… not good ones. It was when… when the accident happened. I was 5 years old. I cant even think about it… It was after school, when my mum started flipping the pancakes. I still see it now… Mum flipped the pancake up but it was not ready. BIG MISTAKE. I can still hear the flipping. THE SCREAMING! It came back down, sizzling, sizzling…… Mum was ready to catch it, but it landed on the floor. She stepped forward onto the sizzling sensation. The slip. I can hear it now. The crack, the scream…

4 thoughts on “100WC By Eleanor and Isabella

  1. What a thought provoking story Eleanor and Isabella! I love your use of suspense and the way that you keep your reader hooked and wondering what happened. The ending is well written – you can almost hear the scream… well done!

  2. That was very good because I thought it would be like a car crash or something but not a pancake dropping on the floor. There are a lot of cliff hangers in there, and I really like them so well done. I really liked it when you used the crack, the scream… as a cliff hanger. What happens next I would like to now. You could make it into a story and it could take a very long but good story. That could make a very cool story and a very funny story. Make sure you carry on because I want to come back to your blog.

  3. Wow! I really enjoyed reading your story Eleanor and Isabella! You have made really good use of short sentences for impact and your punctation is brilliant! I especially liked the bit where it went; ‘The crack, the scream…’ because it really gets you to want to read on and it ends on a perfect cliff-hanger! The only thing that I would improve on is if you could add in a little more description, but I know that it’s hard when you have a limit of 100 words. I would really like to read another one of your stories. I would also really appreciate it if you could comment on my blog at; http://www.5t2012.highlawnprimary.net

    Lucy

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